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Kids On a Leash

September 27, 2011 By

kids-on-a-leash
Before you start getting upset at me, the title of this column is about much more than those kids we often see tethered to parent by a leash! Walking in a park the other day, my 14-year-old son pointed out a kid being controlled by just such a leash and thought it might make for a good column.

Do you teach your children self-reliance?

My first reaction was that it was too limited a topic until we discussed it further and both realized the metaphor this physical image inspired. So, with full credit to my youngest son, I realized what a great topic this could be given the degree of helicoptering and tethering my generation of parents have employed!

I’ve written a lot about the infantilazation of our teenagers by parents. Please note that “Infantilazation” is the second word in this column that has been rejected by my spell-check program as non-existent. Not even a suggestion of a better spelling for it or “Helicoptering,” yet I am willing to bet 90% of you know exactly of what I speak (or write, to be exact)!

Finding jobs is indeed harder than ever for teens today. But, given how many of them are spoiled rotten, do they even know the word, “Persistence” when it comes to looking for work? Both “Finding jobs” and “Persistence” have been subjects of previous “A Dad’s Point-of-View” columns. Their commonality is the reason d’être for this column. Teaching our kids independence is one of first jobs of dad and/or mom. Tying them up with a leash, whether literally or figuratively, is not included in the job description.

In defiance of the PC police, I will declare that I believe there is a bigger tendency towards “Helicoptering” from the estrogen side of the parenting equation. “Hovering,” “Control,” “Spoiled” all may come to play as well. Dads certainly have their share of gender traits that aren’t helping their kids, too. I’ll focus on the general notion of teaching kids to be independent rather than caring whether dad or mom may be the worst offender at this aspect of parenting.

Letting go is hard. But, teaching our kids that ability to not be dependent on mom or dad is essential to maturation and ultimate independence. Teaching financial tools, how to do laundry, basic cooking (and cleaning), are required skills for living on your own. There’s more to raising kids than learning to say “Thank you” and “Please” or to succeed in school and sports.

Faith and trust are not words often associated with parenting. But, in so many ways, if children have been raised with the skills necessary to be independent, then mom and dad should have “Faith” and “Trust” that the children can be independent and survive.

I experienced both faith and trust recently when I left my older son in charge of the house and dogs while my wife and our other son went to visit my in-laws. I chose to give Will the space to shine, the room to grow, and demonstrate his maturity by entrusting him to take care of the house and dogs. I was rewarded with regular check-ins from Will and, sadly, an unfortunate early morning call from him as well.

We have three dogs and one of them was quite old, Tache, and had become both weak and a bit senile and disoriented. Late on this particular evening, Will was looking for Tache late and couldn’t find her. He went outside, turned on the pool lights, and discovered her lying below the surface, in the shallow end. We believe she chose to end her life, but only God knows for sure.

Will called my wife and I immediately, shocked and scared, and unsure of what to do. We guided him through the challenging emotional process of pulling Tache out of the water, wrapping her cold body in towels, and gently placing her in the laundry room. I am writing this column, several hours later, in the waiting area of the airport gate of which my flight home is scheduled to depart.

My son needs my support now – in person. He’s demonstrated his capacity to handle the slings and arrows that life throws us all. I am proud of him for not panicking, not totally freaking out, and immediately knowing that calling us in the middle of the night was the right thing to do.

This is part of growing up. I wish I’d been there when Tache died. But, I wasn’t, nor can I be there for each and every tough time my boys will face. Teaching them to stand on their own is my job. And, it’s your job.

Don’t be that parent that keeps that baby/toddler leash on any longer than it is necessary. Again, I am not taking a position about the value of that physical leash itself, as I’ll leave that to the parenting experts. I am taking a position on letting children learn, grow, fail, and succeed, without mom and dad by their side every step of the way. Do your job and they will do theirs…

Filed Under: A Dad's Point of View Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Homework…To Help or Not To Help

September 12, 2011 By

kids-homework
With school back in session, it won’t be long before you’ll hear, “Mom, I need help with my homework.” For many parents, this statement may initiate a sigh, an eye-roll, or even a feeling of dread! After all, it’s been a few years since we’ve been in school, studying English, algebra, and social studies!

When it comes to homework help, parents really have only two responsibilities:

First, we should provide our kids with the opportunity to do their work. This means we help them identify a time and a place of their choice to study. Once we’ve done this, we have to understand that the ball is now in their court. We can’t force them to open a book, read a chapter, or write a paper, but we can require that they set aside the time to do it. Sure, it is disappointing and frustrating when they don’t get their assignments done, but as responsible parents we have to be willing to allow our kids to experience the consequences of that flawed decision. If you rob them of the experience of the embarrassment of a bad grade, a missed recess to make up the work, or a visit with the principal, your student will never learn that with every decision there comes a consequence – in this case, that ignoring homework will bring negative and uncomfortable results. That small, invaluable lesson will most certainly encourage more effort and better time management for the next homework session.

Our second responsibility regarding homework is to be a positive role model for our children when it comes to getting our own work done. One way to do this is by showing our kids how we manage our own responsibilities before enjoying other activities. For example, we can say, “Wow, I sure have a lot of dishes to wash before I can relax and watch TV.” Or, “I have to work hard tomorrow at work to get a project done so I can take Friday afternoon off and attend your football game.” These statements demonstrate that we know how important it is to get work done before play.

As parents, we can and should play a supportive role when it comes to homework. If they have a question or need a hint, it’s important for us to be there and encourage them. It is also important to remember that if an argument over an answer begins to brew, you’ve helped enough. Don’t set an unhealthy example by making their homework your problem. You’ll both be happier (and smarter!) when you know where to draw the line when it comes to homework help!

If you find, however, that there is more to the story than a lack of effort, it is important to get your child the help they need to learn skills like organization, time and project management and good study habits. The Organizing Tutor, Come To Order’s “student division,” has just the resources you need. Just give us a call and we will be happy to walk you through what we have to offer!

Here’s wishing you and your child a successful and productive school year!

Ideas derived from Parenting with Love & Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay.

Filed Under: Home & Family Tagged With: , , , ,

American Quotes

September 10, 2011 By

I am proud to be an American, not because I am told I have to, but because I have the right to.

On the 10th anniversary of September 11, 2001, I have the privilege of witnessing the strength of the American dream. Our citizens rose above the ashes and proved, once again, our love for freedom is stronger than our enemy’s hatred.

Today, we must recognize our day-to-day freedoms and be grateful for the choices we have.

Below are some favorite American Quotes.

-If you take advantage of everything America has to offer, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish. ~Geraldine Ferraro

-A man’s country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle and patriotism is loyalty to that principle. ~George William Curtis

-I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him. ~Abraham Lincoln

-Only Americans can hurt America. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

-If our country is worth dying for in time of war let us resolve that it is truly worth living for in time of peace. ~Hamilton Fish

-We sleep peacefully at night, cradled by the big strong hands of America. ~Val Saintsbury

-May I never wake up from the American dream. ~Carrie Latet

-America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense… human rights invented America. ~Jimmy Carter

-This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. ~Elmer Davis

-America, for me, has been the pursuit and catching of happiness. ~Aurora Raigne

-In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

-Those who won our independence believed liberty to be the secret of happiness and courage to be the secret of liberty. ~Louis D. Brandeis

-We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

-I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. ~Lee Greenwood

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Filed Under: Mom-Empowerment, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,

Why Are My Muscles Sore After a Workout and What Should I Do About It?

September 8, 2011 By

Has the energy and vigor experienced during yesterday’s workout been replaced by achy, sensitive muscles? It’s like a friendly, or maybe not so friendly, reminder of yesterday’s activity. The muscle soreness or stiffness a day or so after a workout is called delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS), and it can happen after an intense workout or new activity. This must be part of that no pain no gain thing.

Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness
DOMS is muscle pain or discomfort often accompanied by weakness, and it can rear its ugly head around 24-48 hours after physical activity. DOMS effects everyone a little differently, but the common signs include muscle stiffness, pain, and tenderness. The symptoms usually peak after about three days and then gradually taper off. The aching is a symptom of stress put on the muscle tissue beyond what it is used to.

When the muscle fibers are stretched more than normal, and stretched repeatedly, small tears called “microtears” can occur within the muscle fibers, which can lead to inflammation. During the days after a workout, the muscle begins to rebuild itself and creates new muscle fiber that is stronger and better than before. The soreness is related to the inflammation occurring within the muscle during this rebuilding cycle.

Any movement can lead to DOMS, but the most common causes are exercises that involve repetitive eccentric contractions of the muscle, meaning the muscle is contracting while being lengthened at the same time. Think of the downward motion of a bicep curl. Major culprits are activities like lifting weights, push-ups, hiking, plyometrics, or running downhill.

DOMS may be greater after performing a new exercise or activity, or if the intensity is kicked up a notch, also a newbie to exercising may feel more severe DOMS than someone who hits the weights on a regular basis.

There is no simple way to treat delayed onset muscle soreness but here are a few suggestions to ease the pain:

1. Use active recovery. Perform easy low-impact exercises and stretching to increase blood flow and reduce muscle soreness.
2. Rest and recover. Simply wait it out, soreness will go away in 3 to 5 days with no special treatment.
3. Try an ice bath or ice pack. Although scientific evidence is inconclusive, many pro athletes claim they work to reduce soreness.
4. Warm up completely before the next exercise session. There is some research that indicates warming-up immediately prior to eccentric exercise will reduce muscle discomfort.

Some think of DOMS as an accomplishment, others liken it to an offensive tax that nature puts on exercising, but either way it is a natural effect of exercise. (Should the pain remain constant for longer than a few days, medical advice may be in order.)

Filed Under: Health & Wellness Tagged With: , ,

Labor Day

September 5, 2011 By

Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. ~Swami Sivananda

Most Americans think of Labor Day as a long weekend. They forget to honor themselves for a succesful year of hard work. Setting goals and achieving accomplishments should be celebrated.

Sometimes we tend to focus on our wages as an end result. This is when anxiety & ego can get the best of you. When your work encourages you to be a better person you will always be successful.

Labor Day History

On September 5, 1882 Mathew Maguire organized a parade in New York to honor the working class and to celebrate their achievements. Over 10,000 workers marched on Broadway from city Hall to Union Square.

2 years later in 1884 the Knights of Labor designated the first Monday in September for the parade; followed by picnics, concerts, fireworks, and speeches. The speeches gave labor union leaders opportunity to congratulate workers for their efforts, and motivate them to improve working conditions.

The idea of celebrating our nations laborers spread across the nation until it was passed by Congress as a legal holiday on June 28, 1894.

Labor Day Quotes

~Some people dream of success… while others wake up and work hard at it. ~Author Unknown

~I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. ~Thomas Jefferson

~I’ve got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end. ~Larry Bird

~If a man is called a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and Earth will pause to say., here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

~Labor disgraces no man; unfortunately, you occasionally find men who disgrace labor.~Ulysses S. Grant

~Work isn’t to make money; you work to justify life. ~Marc Chagall

~Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken. ~Bill Dodds


I am grateful to celebrate this labor Day one year of Stress Release Reminders. Reminding others to slow down and lower stress is a great honor of mine and a very rewarding business.

Filed Under: Mom-Empowerment, Working Moms Tagged With: