Not Losing the Weight You Want? – Consider These Six Things

Losing weight can be invigorating… and frustrating, maddening, overwhelming, etc. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could choose a diet plan that would allow you to lose 2 pounds a week (or 5 pounds, or insert your number here ____) every week until you reached your goal?

But if you have ever been on a diet, you know that’s not how it works. Some weeks your effort reflects the number of pounds lost. Some weeks you work your butt of and lose nothing. Some weeks (all be it rare) you slack a little and lose a pound or two.

Calories IN vs. calories OUT is definitely important, but there are other things that creep into the equation.

Here are 6 things to keep an eye on to make sure your effort reflects your outcome.

Eating too few carbohydrates
It’s true that we need to be careful when it comes to carbohydrate intake to maximize fat loss, but we still want to make sure we are getting enough carbs. Did you know that fat molecules will not enter the fat burning cycle unless they have a little glucose (carb) molecule to take them there. It’s easy to get excited when you reduce your carbs and instantly lose weight, but often this is more of a factor of storing less water than fat loss.

Eating the wrong type of carbohydrates
You might be eating the right amount of carbohydrates, but the type of carbs you eat has a big effect on weight loss. There is a buzz around high glycemic index (GI) foods and low GI foods, and the reason is that the type of carbs you eat will directly affect your weight loss. To keep it simple, low GI foods are good, high GI foods are bad.

Good carbohydrates are complex carbohydrates that take the body longer to break down. These carbohydrates typically are high in fiber, which takes the body longer to break down and helps stabilize blood sugar levels. The best sources of good carbohydrates include fresh vegetables, fresh fruit, whole grains and beans. All of these foods provide the body with energy, vitamins, fiber, minerals and phytonutrients. In addition to fresh fruit and veggies, good carbohydrates include whole grain cereals, whole wheat breads and pastas, and brown rice.

Bad carbohydrates are foods that are easily digestible and provide the body with limited nutrients and vitamins. Because these foods are so quickly digested, your body will experience a quick spike in energy followed by a crash. Examples of bad carbs include soft drinks, cakes, cookies, chips, white bread, white rice, alcohol.

Eating too little fiber
When we are eating for weight loss and we restrict our carb intake, it also changes our intake of fiber. Fiber might be the single most important secret to weight loss, and it is an essential factor for maintaining health. It helps you feel fuller and therefore eat less. It also binds with acids in the body and helps carry out excess fat, and it speeds the transit time of the food we eat, keeping the intestines in good order.

Getting too little sleep
When we are constantly sleep deprived the body secretes a hormone called ghrelin. Higher ghrelin levels have been shown to reduce energy, stimulate hunger and food intake, and promote retention of fat. Do you ever notice that some days you feel hungry all day, even though you are eating your regular diet. Think back to your sleep patterns, and you may realize that you haven’t gotten as much sleep lately.

Eating too little fat
Low fat diets have been really popular, but too little fat may actually make it harder for us to lose weight. Essential fats (aka good fats) help burn fat by helping to transport oxygen, vitamins, nutrients, and hormones to the body’s tissues.

Good fats include foods like non-hydrogenated oils (olive, canola, sunflower, peanut, sesame), avocados, olives, raw nuts (almonds, peanuts, walnuts, macadamia nuts, hazelnuts, pecans, cashews), fatty fish (salmon, tuna, mackerel, herring, trout, sardines), and tofu.

Bad fats include things like high-fat cuts of meat (beef, lamb, pork or chicken with the skin) whole-fat dairy products (milk and cream), butter, ice cream, commercially-baked pastries, cookies, doughnuts, muffins, cakes, pizza dough, packaged snack foods (crackers, microwave popcorn, chips), margarine or vegetable shortening, any fried foods (French fries, fried chicken, chicken nuggets, breaded fish), and candy bars.

Drinking too little water
Dehydration happens more than you think. If you want to have steady fat loss and high energy, it’s necessary to keep your body and liver hydrated every day. Our liver converts the fat soluble toxic chemicals (that we consume, breathe in, and absorb through our skin), into water soluble chemicals that are flushed out by the kidneys through urine. With limited water supply, the kidneys cannot completely flush out metabolic and foreign waste and weight loss can be more difficult.

The Risks of Opposite Sex Friends

plutonic friends? justin timberlake
Do you have opposite sex platonic friends? Are you married? Does your spouse have opposite sex friends, too? What about opposite sex friends that used to be boyfriends or girlfriends? Is that cool? Interesting questions, don’t you think?

Many people believe that their spouse should be their best friend. I am sort of agnostic on that issue since I believe that for the sanctity of marriage it isn’t always wise to bring every thing on one’s mind to one’s spouse. That is the value of same-sex friends.

For instance, if your spouse has gained weight, is it smart to express that observation? If you’re feeling unhappy at home for somewhat trivial reasons, is that something you should share with your spouse? I say, “No.” I say that is the province of same-sex friends.

But, back to the question of opposite-sex friends. A business associate of mine, we’ll call her Sharon, shared her story recently and it inspired this column. In a nutshell, she ran into her husband at a restaurant with a woman with whom he had had a fling many years ago. He was seeing Sharon at the time, but they weren’t married.

When she caught him that first time, she got mad. But, she loved him and decided not to let it de-rail their relationship. Sharon also felt that carrying this “business” into the marriage – as a wedge – would be destructive, so when they got married she gave him a “clean slate,” to quote her. She went to therapy to process this; she discussed it with her girl friends, and looked deep inside herself and chose to forgive him.

A year later, they were married. Seven years later, she finds him at a restaurant with the same woman. He jumps up, hustles his friend out of the place, and runs away like a dog with its tail between its legs. Sharon had wanted to confront both him and the woman, but didn’t get the chance.

Later, the husband declared that they were “only friends.” Sharon believed him. However, her confidence in his story was weakened when she checked his cell-phone records for the past year. Turns out he’d been calling Sharon about 100 times per month to the 200 times per month he was calling his “girl” friend.

Later, the so-called “girl” friend posted numerous remarks on Facebook demeaning and criticizing Sharon for her immature behavior. Hello!?

Meanwhile, Sharon’s husband continued to defend his actions, ignore the insulting Facebook posts, and otherwise expect to be forgiven since they were “just friends.”

Sharon kicked him out of the house. She’s not sure what she’ll do next or what she wants to do.

Sharon went on to tell me that both she and her husband had brought many opposite sex friends into their family fold. When that happened, soon everyone was a friend with everyone else. She believed that was cool. But, this time there was at least a year of secrecy (per the cell-phone records), maybe more.

Clearly, Sharon’s husband was acting both cowardly and seeing this “girl” friend was something he knew was wrong. Otherwise, he’d have been open about it. I suspect there was more than “friendship” going on between them, but I don’t know. I also feel, as does Sharon that the issue of infidelity is almost less offensive than the closeness her husband and his “girl” friend shared with so many phone calls and secretive rendezvous’.

I ask again, can couples have opposite sex friends? My feeling is decidedly unclear. It depends. If, and only if, an opposite sex friend existed prior to the marriage, the primary relationship, then it may be possible to bring that friend into the new family.

But, it has to be open. It has to be up front.

However, when either partner wants to bring an opposite sex friend into their lives after marriage, I question the wisdom of that choice. A non-PC truth is that most men would like to have a physical relationship with as many women as they could. Of course, most men control that desire, but why tempt fate and biology?

Again, this is one man’s opinion. Whatever works for you is just fine with me. For Sharon and her husband, his secrecy and possible infidelity has threatened their marriage.

While I would rather not face my wife being unfaithful in any fashion, I actually sincerely believe that a one-night fling, while away on business for instance, is far less of a betrayal than an on-going intimate friendship with another man in which my wife were sharing intimate feelings and thoughts and doing it all in secret.

Sharon agrees with this thinking as she demonstrated in forgiving her husband the first time he cheated on her, prior to their marriage. She chose to give him a second chance that I believe he squandered by continuing to see this “other woman” in secret.

What do you think? Can opposite sex friends exist in your marriage or relationship?