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All Love is Conditional

August 2, 2012 By

In my opinion, many sayings and much conventional thinking is just plain wrong. One such example is that all love is unconditional. Could you love the Colorado shooter unconditionally after what he did? I couldn’t, even if he were my son. There are implicit and explicit conditions in all our relationships.

When we marry we exchange vows. Every ceremony, whether secular or religious, involves some sort of vows. Those vows explicitly express conditions expected and hoped for in the forthcoming marriage: fidelity, love whether life is good or bad, etc.

Further, we bring expressed or implicit additional conditions to most marriages. They include who will do what around the house, who will stay at home with the kids or not, whether the couple will have kids or not, who does the yard work, who is mostly in charge of the social life, etc. As already mentioned, there is a strong expectation of fidelity. Will a spouse just unconditionally excuse a lapse or worse, an affair?

When we extend the notion of conditional or unconditional love to our kids, it gets more complicated. I do have conditions with my kids about goodness, though for the most part if they err from those conditions, my love doesn’t wane. BUT, if either of my sons were to hurt another human being for no apparent reason, I doubt I would unconditionally support and/or love them the same.

The love, at the very least, would be severely tarnished. If mental illness were involved, it would probably not diminish but I’d feel mighty responsible for any damage if I’d not done everything in my power to seek help prior to any incident.

Our family therapist has repeatedly expressed to my wife and me that marriage is a business deal. Women, in particular, may not like looking at it that way, but most women – my wife included – have very strong expectations of the deal involved, much of which has been expressed already in this column.

With a second marriage such as mine, the degree of the “business deal” is usually more detailed and even may include a legal document such as a pre-nuptial (which we do not have, btw). Second marriages often bring with them the proverbial “baggage,” including exes, kids, emotional damage, heartbreak, and certainly not the innocence most of us bring to a first marriage.

When I began dating after my divorce, I was a middle-aged man with primary care for two emotionally stunned young boys. My parents were ill and my plate was quite full.

I expected to date only divorced women with kids of their own and similar emotional issues of their own and their own kids, likely in a shared custody arrangement. And, that is mostly what I did. The irony of meeting and marrying my present wife is that she did not fit that expectation (no kids), but it’s worked out very well for our family. Nonetheless, she brought reasonable expectations/conditions to our marriage.

One of them is sort of funny, but I think quite valid. We both share a love of exercise, specifically skiing, and staying in shape. We presented each other an image of fitness and looks, to be frank, which continued into our marriage. I then suffered a bad head injury just six months after we married.

It resulted, for whatever reasons and the reasons are complex, in my gaining a bit of weight that I’d never carried before. My wife said, “You broke the deal.” She never stopped loving me but I actually took to heart her comment. How would I have felt – being a slug of a guy – if she had gained a similar proportion of weight so soon after our marriage? How would I have felt if she were carrying around a small bowling ball in her belly, like I was?

Not happy, for sure. Would I have been as gracious as she was and so honest? She expressed her dissatisfaction with a sense of humor, but she was right. I broke the deal.

Now, I’ve gone vegan in an effort to get back to my fighting weight and stand by the conditions implicitly understood between us. And, after several years of fighting that weight gain, I’m finally heading back in the right direction.

But, let’s go back to the Colorado shooter or any other mass-murderer or perpetrator of a heinous crime. Would you still unconditionally love him or her? Would you spend all your money on hiring the best defense lawyer to either minimize the punishment or get them off? Would you defend OJ Simpson?

I sure as hell wouldn’t. I’d publicly apologize to the victims. I’d set up a memorial fund and/or something – anonymously – to help out the families and survivors. I’d live in shame the rest of my life and want to “do good” as penance.

Final Note: My wife read and approved this column – as I have her do whenever she is referenced – and she said the only unconditional love is with our pets…

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Repair the World One Person at a Time

June 5, 2012 By

make a difference

When I began writing, my initial goal was to be a dad advocate as my own experiences motivated me in that direction. I still advocate on behalf of dads and all parents. But, as I ventured into the world of Social Media, I realized I had another goal of larger importance and that was to do my part to make the world a better place.

In Judaism, it’s called Tikkun Olam, which roughly means to “Repair the World.” A further Jewish belief is that when you help ONE person, you are helping the world. After all, one person at a time can add up to a lot of people if everyone adopted that behavior.

Later in this column, I will list ideas for you and for your children to employ. Doing these separately or together will indeed help “Repair the World,” but more importantly it will make you feel better. I’ve often said that the more you give, the more you get.

A favorite example of mine was when I became a Big Brother. At the time, I led a very fun and largely self-indulgent life. I was single, I was doing well in my showbiz career, my parents were well and independent, and I had money in the bank. Heck, I even drove a convertible!

Thankfully, something inside me said I needed to give back in gratitude for the good fortune that I was living. In showbiz, the conventional way of giving back was to join a charity that the community supported and fund-raise. It was noble, but it also was sort of self-serving because it gave you the opportunity to interact and network within the community. Also, it was political and I really wanted to avoid that.

I had always loved and wanted kids, so I chose the Big Brother organization as my way of giving back. It would be a one-on-one interaction with a child and there would be minimal group activities and even less adult encounters. I went through a three-month interview process, dare I say interrogation, during which time I attended training sessions, was fingerprinted and “verified,” had one-on-one sessions with a social worker, and was finally “approved.”

My expectation was to be matched with a little boy and we’d go to the park and play ball, sort of like I did with my own dad when I was little. Instead, I was matched with a little girl. Sadly, this doesn’t happen much anymore due to legal fears, though the need is still present for girls without fathers to have a father figure in their lives. Thank you, lawyers and the politically correct!

My “little” didn’t like to play ball. In fact, she didn’t like to do much. She didn’t even like to go to the movies or get an ice cream. She was difficult. She had her reasons. “Our” social worker said I could ask for a change, however encouraged me to keep on trying to connect. I chose to stay. In time, we found things we enjoyed doing together.

I stayed “matched” with this “little” for the next decade, during which time I got married and had my first boy. I also got the best possible training to become a parent! I learned how to relate to a kid who didn’t share my interests. I learned how NOT to make it all about me. I got as much or more than I gave, pure and simple.

My “little” is now a successful middle-school teacher in her thirties and we’re still in touch.

When my boys were growing up, I was stunned to discover how they did not share my love of sports. My experience as a Big Brother was invaluable in showing me the way to love them in spite of our differences. They are NOT me was the bottom-line lesson I got.

I think this is the perfect example of helping the world, one person at a time. My “little” and me we went through many difficult phases that I later encountered with my own boys. I was prepared. How wonderful!

How can you and your children “Repair the World?”

Here are just a few ideas, in no particular order:

  • Become a Big Brother or Big Sister.
  • Volunteer at Thanksgiving at a shelter for the homeless. Go together with your children and help serve the Thanksgiving dinner.
  • Befriend an alone elderly person at a local senior living facility. Together or separately, volunteer to read to one senior, or to a group. Make it a weekly or monthly habit.
  • Organize your own singing group to entertain at a senior center or assisted living facility.
  • Visit ANYONE that is alone at a hospital. Regularly.
  • Read to the blind. My son and I read on a small local radio station where we literally read the newspaper to the blind listeners that this station catered to. Boy, was that a sobering experience for both of us.
  • Write to a soldier abroad. They are lonely and many do not have great support at home.

The list of things YOU can do to “Repair the World” is endless. Please do this for yourself and your family. You will feel amazing and you will reap rewards you cannot possibly anticipate. Let me know what you do and how it “pays off” for you, please!

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The Risks of Opposite Sex Friends

March 5, 2012 By

plutonic friends? justin timberlake
Do you have opposite sex platonic friends? Are you married? Does your spouse have opposite sex friends, too? What about opposite sex friends that used to be boyfriends or girlfriends? Is that cool? Interesting questions, don’t you think?

Many people believe that their spouse should be their best friend. I am sort of agnostic on that issue since I believe that for the sanctity of marriage it isn’t always wise to bring every thing on one’s mind to one’s spouse. That is the value of same-sex friends.

For instance, if your spouse has gained weight, is it smart to express that observation? If you’re feeling unhappy at home for somewhat trivial reasons, is that something you should share with your spouse? I say, “No.” I say that is the province of same-sex friends.

But, back to the question of opposite-sex friends. A business associate of mine, we’ll call her Sharon, shared her story recently and it inspired this column. In a nutshell, she ran into her husband at a restaurant with a woman with whom he had had a fling many years ago. He was seeing Sharon at the time, but they weren’t married.

When she caught him that first time, she got mad. But, she loved him and decided not to let it de-rail their relationship. Sharon also felt that carrying this “business” into the marriage – as a wedge – would be destructive, so when they got married she gave him a “clean slate,” to quote her. She went to therapy to process this; she discussed it with her girl friends, and looked deep inside herself and chose to forgive him.

A year later, they were married. Seven years later, she finds him at a restaurant with the same woman. He jumps up, hustles his friend out of the place, and runs away like a dog with its tail between its legs. Sharon had wanted to confront both him and the woman, but didn’t get the chance.

Later, the husband declared that they were “only friends.” Sharon believed him. However, her confidence in his story was weakened when she checked his cell-phone records for the past year. Turns out he’d been calling Sharon about 100 times per month to the 200 times per month he was calling his “girl” friend.

Later, the so-called “girl” friend posted numerous remarks on Facebook demeaning and criticizing Sharon for her immature behavior. Hello!?

Meanwhile, Sharon’s husband continued to defend his actions, ignore the insulting Facebook posts, and otherwise expect to be forgiven since they were “just friends.”

Sharon kicked him out of the house. She’s not sure what she’ll do next or what she wants to do.

Sharon went on to tell me that both she and her husband had brought many opposite sex friends into their family fold. When that happened, soon everyone was a friend with everyone else. She believed that was cool. But, this time there was at least a year of secrecy (per the cell-phone records), maybe more.

Clearly, Sharon’s husband was acting both cowardly and seeing this “girl” friend was something he knew was wrong. Otherwise, he’d have been open about it. I suspect there was more than “friendship” going on between them, but I don’t know. I also feel, as does Sharon that the issue of infidelity is almost less offensive than the closeness her husband and his “girl” friend shared with so many phone calls and secretive rendezvous’.

I ask again, can couples have opposite sex friends? My feeling is decidedly unclear. It depends. If, and only if, an opposite sex friend existed prior to the marriage, the primary relationship, then it may be possible to bring that friend into the new family.

But, it has to be open. It has to be up front.

However, when either partner wants to bring an opposite sex friend into their lives after marriage, I question the wisdom of that choice. A non-PC truth is that most men would like to have a physical relationship with as many women as they could. Of course, most men control that desire, but why tempt fate and biology?

Again, this is one man’s opinion. Whatever works for you is just fine with me. For Sharon and her husband, his secrecy and possible infidelity has threatened their marriage.

While I would rather not face my wife being unfaithful in any fashion, I actually sincerely believe that a one-night fling, while away on business for instance, is far less of a betrayal than an on-going intimate friendship with another man in which my wife were sharing intimate feelings and thoughts and doing it all in secret.

Sharon agrees with this thinking as she demonstrated in forgiving her husband the first time he cheated on her, prior to their marriage. She chose to give him a second chance that I believe he squandered by continuing to see this “other woman” in secret.

What do you think? Can opposite sex friends exist in your marriage or relationship?

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Two Teens Mean War

October 18, 2011 By

I enjoy titles that make you wonder. Titles are the hook that our instant-gratification world provides for so many things. Back in the day when I worked as a television executive at ABC-TV, we would have title contests for the television movies we broadcast. The title of this column intentionally has the double meaning that mom and dad may be at war with each other and/or at war with one teen or the other.

Naturally, there are families with one or many more than two children. I would argue, without any empirical evidence, that the majority of American households average two children. Consequently, as that is my personal point-of-reference, I will stick with the two teens theme, though the applicability of the ideas discussed herein can certainly apply to homes with more than two children, or one child.

Teens are unique human beings. They were created by God to test parent’s patience, endurance, and fortitude. Teens believe they know everything, regardless of the constant contrary evidence. They also believe that parents have miraculously lost all common sense and wisdom, as well as any taste in music, clothes, television, or movies. I love Mark Twain’s quote, “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. “

We’ve recently learned from brain research that the human brain doesn’t even fully develop in the frontal cortex until sometime in the mid-twenties! That is the part of the brain that gives us the wisdom to make good choices. So, our teens are working literally with only a partial brain, yet one they believe is more than complete.

Consequently, as I’m fond of saying, the job of the parent of a teen is simply to keep them alive. Forget trying to advise a teen on just about anything. Hopefully, earlier counsel and discipline, maybe even religious upbringing, will surface in the nascent teen brain at those especially vulnerable times. These may include driving, sexual opportunities and choices, drugs and drinking, and for boys, such dangerous activities as riding a skateboard off a 2-story building on a dare, while a friend is taking a video of it.

In our household, without revealing the gory details of my two teenager’s respective “growth” and “development,” the difficult times have alternated between them. That is the point of the title of this column. If a parent is fortunate, as my wife and I have been, only one teen is particularly difficult at any particular time.

The truly ironic and fun aspect of this alternating puberty and hormone induced insanity is that the teen that is acting relatively normal is on mom and dad’s side and shares dad and mom’s wonderment at their sibling’s unusual, maybe even demented, behavior. Dad and mom actually have a temporary ally. That lasts as soon as the next hair-brained idea pops in the sane teen’s head!

That is when nature inserts herself, and the roles reverse! Now, “Insane teen” has more or less returned to moderate sanity while “Normal teen” has been taken over by the hormonal frontal-lobe-deprived puberty-incensed monster. Those few times that both are “Normal” are gratefully relished while those times when both are “Insane” are an endurance contest for dad and mom.

Mom and dad may not be sure who is who, which is which! What and who is normal? Who and what are not? Dad and mom may even have a difference of opinion and start arguing with each other, taking sides as if it mattered! This is where “The War” of our title comes from. It’s “War” between the teens, it’s “War” between the parents, and it’s “War” for any who dare tread inside such a torn asunder homestead.

Hair will be lost. Sleep will be spotty and the dogs may even howl, not to mention the late-night phone calls that will undoubtedly interrupt what little sleep transpires. There may be visits at the door by uniformed men and women. Mom and dad will each have speed-dials to the family therapist and the high school counselors and vice-principals. In rare cases, there will be a bit more adult consumption of comforting food and drink, such as double martini’s and lots of fried food.

When you consider a blended family, with a step-mom or step-dad, you have now potentially created a totally combustible household. The honeymoon ends quickly in second marriages when confronted by the teen mind and behavior. This may be a contributing factor in the high failure rate of second marriages. Yes, second marriages fail on average 2/3 of the time.

As with just about all relationships in life and work, communication is the key to making them better, and in the case of raising teens, surviving altogether. Talk to each other, talk to your teens, interact, pay attention, and you may win the war.

Fear not; parent, for this too shall pass.

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Holidays, Rituals and Traditions

July 21, 2011 By

family traditions

Holidays are both wonderful and, for many, difficult. Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, when they have lost a mother or father, isn’t a Hallmark-Cards good feeling. The Christmas Season, when people are apart from loved ones can also be challenging. In contrast, holidays can be joyous and create family traditions that transcend generations. This past July 4th struck me in this way as I felt both good and melancholy since my boys were apart from us.

My older son, heading towards age 18, is appropriately at that stage in his life where hanging out at a family BBQ isn’t his ideal of a good time. He hung with his friends much of the weekend, while my wife and I went to two BBQs. My younger son is away at camp so I have no idea what he was doing and he’s too busy to write more than the one letter in over two weeks. This doesn’t quite match the six long letters I wrote, filled with clippings, photos, and other stuff I knew he’d appreciate.  But, I’m not feeling neglected.

Our biggest family tradition is our Friday night dinner ritual.  We honor the Sabbath by lighting candles, saying a blessing that welcomes the beginning of Shabbat, and blessings over the wine, kids, and challah (I make my own special recipe for this sweet traditional egg bread).  But, our own unique tradition is sharing the “Bests and Worst” that happened to us the previous week.  Yes, only one “Worst” is allowed, while the “Bests” are unlimited.

I began this tradition when my boys began to talk. When they were that young, their contributions were few and often they required some prompting like, “Didn’t you go to Disneyland this week?” or “What about your birthday party?”  By doing this on a very regular and consistent basis, it truly became a Sallan Family tradition that we all treasure.  I’ve written about “The Family Dinner” and I continue to believe eating together, as a family, is an indispensable tool for bonding, learning, and loving.

Since the boys are now teenagers and my wife and I are quite busy with our respective careers, family sit-down time and “sharing” like this happens more infrequently than I’d prefer.  But, happily, we’ve all grown accustomed to sharing our “Bests and Worst” and we do so now unhesitatingly.  I’ve asked my older son to make his Friday night plans after dinner and he honors that request with little resistance.  When there’s a special occasion for the boys, they will be excused, but we all know it must be “Special.”

For many families, Thanksgiving and Christmas are their meaningful traditional holidays.  Both holidays tend to inspire larger get-togethers in which each family has their own history of rituals.  These special occasions define “Family” in my opinion. Ritual. Tradition. Holidays. They are signposts in our lives and theses “Signposts”, and they give our children tangible things to remember, to hold onto, and to pass on to their own families.

Our “Bests and Worst” tradition was inspired by attending a friend’s dinner where a version of this ritual was done.  We modified it for ourselves and it’s become so very important to us each Friday evening. I actually find myself reflecting on what I will say earlier in the day.

Religious people have rituals that extend to their religion’s particular holidays and values.  As we’re a mixed-faith, mixed-ethnicity couple, we have had the fortune of enjoying each other’s family and faith-based traditions.

Ironically, I’ve become maybe even more attached to my wife’s church after getting to know one of the pastors there, Pastor Drew Sams, who has become a regular on my Radio Show for the “Teen Rap” segment. I was actually stunned when I suggested to my wife that we attend recent services in which Pastor Drew would be presiding.  That was a change I’d never expected due to my attachment to my own faith, Judaism.

But, Pastor Drew speaks so well, from the heart, and his values and mine are pretty identical with only the role of Jesus being a slight differentiating belief.  As the Youth Pastor at Calvary Church and a young man himself, he brings a level of wisdom, youth, and insight to his sermons and to my show.  I’m grateful and blessed to know him. It never would have happened if my wife hadn’t encouraged me to attend her church, her ritual.

In a nutshell, I will unequivocally conclude that rituals, traditions, and holidays can be the glue that binds families that give extra meaning to those special times of the year, and are beautiful events upon which to build your family history.

I would love for you, my readers, to share some of your special family rituals and/or holiday traditions.  We can all learn from each other and maybe add something to our own family that we hadn’t done before?

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I Want It NOW

June 23, 2011 By

When I was a kid, my birthday excursion each year was a trip to Disneyland.  This was back-in-the-day when Disneyland was not only fun, but not overly crowded.  It was also when they sold tickets that were labeled “A” through “E,” with the “E-ticket” being for the better rides, like the Matterhorn. The expression “E-ticket Ride” came directly from those early Disneyland tickets.  Later, as we all know, Disneyland and all amusement parks switched to a single admission entrance fee.

I couldn’t sleep the night before we went to Disneyland. I was too excited. The drive to Anaheim from our house was a good hour long, though it felt like an eternity due to my eagerness.  Often I brought a friend or two and we’d be eagerly discussing which ride we’d go on first.  As the tickets were limited, we had to figure this out since there wasn’t yet an all-inclusive ticket.  My dad was always the driver and he was heroically patient with my non-stop “Are we there yets.”  There were signposts that I remember distinctly, in which my dad would say we were getting close — one being an old water tower which signaled that we were near.

When we arrived at Disneyland, my excitement and adrenaline were at full throttle and I couldn’t wait to race to our first choice of ride.  As far as I was concerned, in that heightened state, my mom and dad were moving like snails.  Any line for the tickets felt interminable and by the time we finally went through the turnstiles, if it were okay with my parents, I would run to the first ride with my friends.  I couldn’t wait another minute.  Walking was out of the question. I wanted it now!

Now that I’m a few decades older, most everyone that knows me, knows that I’m not much different from that eager-beaver kid. I still remember running to The Tiki Tiki Room, the Autorama, or the Matterhorn.  When we’d get to the front of the line of that first ride, we’d run to the sled, the seat, the car, and quickly strap in.  This was heaven for this pre-teen.

I’ve learned to moderate my impatience but it’s still always there when I’m eager to do something.  Writing my book and waiting for its publication was actually a relatively quick process, but I was bugging my “team” regularly with more, “Are we there yets.”  I know that my eagerness and impatience has helped me in many circumstances and also, many times, made those that work or live with me weary.

The concept of “delayed gratification” has been one that I’ve tried to teach my own sons while, at the same time, constantly trying to moderate my hyper impatience.  Things like communication, in so many forms these days, require no delay whatsoever.  E-mail, texting, chatting, Twitter, and most everything on the Internet is instant.  It seems so quaint to reflect on how we used to correspond with someone via postal mail and actually wait and be eager for a reply letter.  I had pen pals when I was my boys’ ages.  Whatever the modern equivalent may be, it doesn’t require anything but computer and Internet access to have immediate exchanges of “letters” or even video-communication literally anywhere in the world.

Sure, this is largely wonderful but much of life still can’t be focused into a text or an e-mail.  It still takes four or so years to get a B.A. or B.S. from college.  It still takes three years for law school and much longer to become a doctor.  So, some forms of “delayed gratification” are truly exactly the same or, ironically, even slower as the average time it takes to get a bachelor’s degree has increased during my lifetime to between four and five years.  I got mine in three years, while four was considered quite the norm in the seventies. 

The other statistic that completely blows my mind is the one that I read recently that college grads are returning to live at the home of their parents. According to a survey from Twentysomething, Inc., 85 percent of college graduates will return home because they can’t find a job. I didn’t know a single friend who returned home for anything more than a meal, Thanksgiving, an anniversary, etc. 

The “I want it now” concept is a personal character trait. It is also the method of instant communication for everyone today. But, it sure isn’t the quick path to independence for our college grads, let alone those high school grads that didn’t go to college.  What is the answer?  How much is tied to our poor economy, I don’t know.  But, as a parent and married to a woman who is step-mom to my boys, she and I hope this doesn’t last! 

We may all still “want it now” and much of what we want is available oh so quickly, but the enduring things in life may still require a little patience. 

I’m not sure I can wait, though…

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A Dirty Little Parenting Secret

May 25, 2011 By

man-hiding-face-with-fingers

Let’s call it “Dramatic license,” as I totally adore my family and wouldn’t trade them or my life with anyone else, but at this moment, time, and place, I don’t like them very much.

Just as movies often put up a title card that says, “Based On a True Story,” and we know the filmmakers may be playing loose with the facts, so it is with this column.  Sibling rivalry is prevalent but, it’s my “dirty little parenting secret” that not only do siblings fight but parents occasionally just don’t like one kid or another, every now and then.

For that matter, every marriage has its times when one partner just doesn’t like the other partner.  How we deal with those moments define us, ultimately, and I’m just using my writing platform to vent a little, so forgive me, please?

Let’s start with some random complaints that I’m hearing lately:

Son #1 – “It’s not fair.”

Son #2 – “It’s my brother’s fault!”

Wife – “My feelings are hurt.”

Son #1 – “Why do I have to do that?”

Son #2 – “I forgot.”

Wife – “Why did you leave that dish in the sink?”

Son #1 – “Get it yourself!”

Son #2 – “I don’t care what you think.”

Wife – “You love your computer more than you love me.”

Get the picture? I have one response to them:  AAARRRGGGHHH!!

Let’s face it, all spouses and parents go through periods where they just want to be left alone, not be badgered, do their own thing, and pretend for at least one night that the whole world isn’t ragging on them.

That is what this dad/husband wants RIGHT NOW!

I am sure I am not alone. I was a single dad for many years and for single parents, there is often not much relief.  I had no family to pass the kids to, as my parents were deteriorating when my boys’ mother left.  Friends pretty much vanished during those darks divorce days, and my only regular comfort came from my dogs.

Hmmm, my dogs.  Now, there I get love, support, and unconditional and regular affection.  Ahhhh.  I don’t get the “Ugh” when I want to give my younger son a hug.  I don’t get “You’re gross” or anything resembling that comment.  I may get licked, but I don’t get lip.

So, the dirty little parenting secret is simply there are times when we just don’t like our kids very much.  It starts somewhere around age 13 and may last a decade or so. I hope not but that is what my mom suffered with me! I suppose, as I’ve said and written before, I’m just getting double payback.

As for my wife, she’s had to deal with a load of changes that she never anticipated.  The men she dated before she met me were largely my age but with grown children.  She did not expect to be the step-mom to two boys living at home 24/7.  But, she had the unfortunate misfortune to fall in love with me!  Little did she know what she’d get!  Granted, I take the primary parenting role, day-to-day, but she does more than her share.

My wife is wonderful and if she could just stop with the “My feeling are hurt,” whenever I do something that I have no idea I’ve done, she’d be truly a “10!”

Actually, she’s a “10” cook, a “10” beauty, a “10” decorator/household manager, and many more “10’s.”  She’s just a bit lower on the scale with the hurt feelings mantra.

Is it a woman thing? I suppose so.  Don’t scream at me.  Women have hurt feelings more often than men.  Men just want to fix it and be done with it.  And, that is where my brain goes with any and every problem or conflict in my home.

But, right now, I’m tired and I can’t fix anything.  I might be able to change a light bulb and I do control what I eat for breakfast but I don’t seem to have any impact on my complaining family.

Wouldn’t this be a better set of comments/words/questions from my family?

Son #1 – “Hey Dad, wanna come with me to see a movie?”

Son #2 – “Dad, let’s go out to lunch together and just talk!”

Wife – “Honey, your current “A Dad’s Point-of-View” column is so good!”

Son #1 – “Dad, would you scratch my back, please?”

Son #2 – “I really love that new comic on your web-site…it’s really funny.”

Wife – “What would you like for dessert, Dear?”

Son #1 – “Do you need help with anything?”

Son #2 – “I just commented on your blog, Dad, ‘cause it was so cool.”

Wife – “I really think you’re a terrific writer and that’s a very nice haircut, Honey.”

I can dream, can’t I?

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