Encourage Fitness – Do As I Say and As I DO

It’s never too late to start a healthy habit, especially with kids.

Parents influence kids every day with words and actions, and when mom and dad regularly encourage kids to be active, they help kids to appreciate fitness and have fun along the way.

Teaching practical life skills is one of the many roles that parents have. Things like how to brush teeth, how to tell time, how to tie shoes, and research now suggests that another one to add to the list is how to be healthy and active.

It’s never too late to start a healthy habit, especially with kids. Kids like to move, and though it is highly unlikely that a child goes from couch potato to Olympian, there are several ways parents can influence their children to exercise.

While verbal encouragement or logistical support, such as driving kids to soccer practice, is important, parents’ attitudes about health and fitness and their own patterns of physical activity are equally as important, since kids often follow by example.

Being active together has shown to have a significant impact on how kids view exercise, but it often goes down as a child’s age goes up. Younger children are more likely to want to spend time being active with their parents than teenagers, so there may be a window of opportunity to use it before losing it when it comes to co-activity.

And even though the sphere of influence on kids can be far and wide from friends to teachers to Sponge Bob, few are as direct and important as parents .

Children are well known for their contrary nature. Tell them to do something, and quite often they will do the opposite. So trying to force children to exercise may not be the best strategy.

Every parent has his or her way of approaching life lessons, but the idea with fitness is to get children to appreciate being active, and have a little fun along the way. “Because I said so” may work for putting the dishes away, but encouragement, celebrating small victories, and doing things together can be effective ways to motivate kids to get fit and stay active. And no child wants their brain to turn to mush because of too much television.

Whether is it sports, riding bikes, a martial arts class, or walking the dog every night, it is important to consistently present each opportunity in a positive light. It may take a bit of time and patience, but when children find the fun in being active, fitness can become a part of everyday life.

When kids are active at a young age, the habit can last throughout their lifetime, and influencing kids to be active at an early age is no different than teaching them the golden rule or respecting their elders. So it’s time to put fitness right up there with teaching children how to ride a bike and that there’s no hiding a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Holidays, Rituals and Traditions

family traditions

Holidays are both wonderful and, for many, difficult. Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, when they have lost a mother or father, isn’t a Hallmark-Cards good feeling. The Christmas Season, when people are apart from loved ones can also be challenging. In contrast, holidays can be joyous and create family traditions that transcend generations. This past July 4th struck me in this way as I felt both good and melancholy since my boys were apart from us.

My older son, heading towards age 18, is appropriately at that stage in his life where hanging out at a family BBQ isn’t his ideal of a good time. He hung with his friends much of the weekend, while my wife and I went to two BBQs. My younger son is away at camp so I have no idea what he was doing and he’s too busy to write more than the one letter in over two weeks. This doesn’t quite match the six long letters I wrote, filled with clippings, photos, and other stuff I knew he’d appreciate.  But, I’m not feeling neglected.

Our biggest family tradition is our Friday night dinner ritual.  We honor the Sabbath by lighting candles, saying a blessing that welcomes the beginning of Shabbat, and blessings over the wine, kids, and challah (I make my own special recipe for this sweet traditional egg bread).  But, our own unique tradition is sharing the “Bests and Worst” that happened to us the previous week.  Yes, only one “Worst” is allowed, while the “Bests” are unlimited.

I began this tradition when my boys began to talk. When they were that young, their contributions were few and often they required some prompting like, “Didn’t you go to Disneyland this week?” or “What about your birthday party?”  By doing this on a very regular and consistent basis, it truly became a Sallan Family tradition that we all treasure.  I’ve written about “The Family Dinner” and I continue to believe eating together, as a family, is an indispensable tool for bonding, learning, and loving.

Since the boys are now teenagers and my wife and I are quite busy with our respective careers, family sit-down time and “sharing” like this happens more infrequently than I’d prefer.  But, happily, we’ve all grown accustomed to sharing our “Bests and Worst” and we do so now unhesitatingly.  I’ve asked my older son to make his Friday night plans after dinner and he honors that request with little resistance.  When there’s a special occasion for the boys, they will be excused, but we all know it must be “Special.”

For many families, Thanksgiving and Christmas are their meaningful traditional holidays.  Both holidays tend to inspire larger get-togethers in which each family has their own history of rituals.  These special occasions define “Family” in my opinion. Ritual. Tradition. Holidays. They are signposts in our lives and theses “Signposts”, and they give our children tangible things to remember, to hold onto, and to pass on to their own families.

Our “Bests and Worst” tradition was inspired by attending a friend’s dinner where a version of this ritual was done.  We modified it for ourselves and it’s become so very important to us each Friday evening. I actually find myself reflecting on what I will say earlier in the day.

Religious people have rituals that extend to their religion’s particular holidays and values.  As we’re a mixed-faith, mixed-ethnicity couple, we have had the fortune of enjoying each other’s family and faith-based traditions.

Ironically, I’ve become maybe even more attached to my wife’s church after getting to know one of the pastors there, Pastor Drew Sams, who has become a regular on my Radio Show for the “Teen Rap” segment. I was actually stunned when I suggested to my wife that we attend recent services in which Pastor Drew would be presiding.  That was a change I’d never expected due to my attachment to my own faith, Judaism.

But, Pastor Drew speaks so well, from the heart, and his values and mine are pretty identical with only the role of Jesus being a slight differentiating belief.  As the Youth Pastor at Calvary Church and a young man himself, he brings a level of wisdom, youth, and insight to his sermons and to my show.  I’m grateful and blessed to know him. It never would have happened if my wife hadn’t encouraged me to attend her church, her ritual.

In a nutshell, I will unequivocally conclude that rituals, traditions, and holidays can be the glue that binds families that give extra meaning to those special times of the year, and are beautiful events upon which to build your family history.

I would love for you, my readers, to share some of your special family rituals and/or holiday traditions.  We can all learn from each other and maybe add something to our own family that we hadn’t done before?

I Want It NOW

When I was a kid, my birthday excursion each year was a trip to Disneyland.  This was back-in-the-day when Disneyland was not only fun, but not overly crowded.  It was also when they sold tickets that were labeled “A” through “E,” with the “E-ticket” being for the better rides, like the Matterhorn. The expression “E-ticket Ride” came directly from those early Disneyland tickets.  Later, as we all know, Disneyland and all amusement parks switched to a single admission entrance fee.

I couldn’t sleep the night before we went to Disneyland. I was too excited. The drive to Anaheim from our house was a good hour long, though it felt like an eternity due to my eagerness.  Often I brought a friend or two and we’d be eagerly discussing which ride we’d go on first.  As the tickets were limited, we had to figure this out since there wasn’t yet an all-inclusive ticket.  My dad was always the driver and he was heroically patient with my non-stop “Are we there yets.”  There were signposts that I remember distinctly, in which my dad would say we were getting close — one being an old water tower which signaled that we were near.

When we arrived at Disneyland, my excitement and adrenaline were at full throttle and I couldn’t wait to race to our first choice of ride.  As far as I was concerned, in that heightened state, my mom and dad were moving like snails.  Any line for the tickets felt interminable and by the time we finally went through the turnstiles, if it were okay with my parents, I would run to the first ride with my friends.  I couldn’t wait another minute.  Walking was out of the question. I wanted it now!

Now that I’m a few decades older, most everyone that knows me, knows that I’m not much different from that eager-beaver kid. I still remember running to The Tiki Tiki Room, the Autorama, or the Matterhorn.  When we’d get to the front of the line of that first ride, we’d run to the sled, the seat, the car, and quickly strap in.  This was heaven for this pre-teen.

I’ve learned to moderate my impatience but it’s still always there when I’m eager to do something.  Writing my book and waiting for its publication was actually a relatively quick process, but I was bugging my “team” regularly with more, “Are we there yets.”  I know that my eagerness and impatience has helped me in many circumstances and also, many times, made those that work or live with me weary.

The concept of “delayed gratification” has been one that I’ve tried to teach my own sons while, at the same time, constantly trying to moderate my hyper impatience.  Things like communication, in so many forms these days, require no delay whatsoever.  E-mail, texting, chatting, Twitter, and most everything on the Internet is instant.  It seems so quaint to reflect on how we used to correspond with someone via postal mail and actually wait and be eager for a reply letter.  I had pen pals when I was my boys’ ages.  Whatever the modern equivalent may be, it doesn’t require anything but computer and Internet access to have immediate exchanges of “letters” or even video-communication literally anywhere in the world.

Sure, this is largely wonderful but much of life still can’t be focused into a text or an e-mail.  It still takes four or so years to get a B.A. or B.S. from college.  It still takes three years for law school and much longer to become a doctor.  So, some forms of “delayed gratification” are truly exactly the same or, ironically, even slower as the average time it takes to get a bachelor’s degree has increased during my lifetime to between four and five years.  I got mine in three years, while four was considered quite the norm in the seventies. 

The other statistic that completely blows my mind is the one that I read recently that college grads are returning to live at the home of their parents. According to a survey from Twentysomething, Inc., 85 percent of college graduates will return home because they can’t find a job. I didn’t know a single friend who returned home for anything more than a meal, Thanksgiving, an anniversary, etc. 

The “I want it now” concept is a personal character trait. It is also the method of instant communication for everyone today. But, it sure isn’t the quick path to independence for our college grads, let alone those high school grads that didn’t go to college.  What is the answer?  How much is tied to our poor economy, I don’t know.  But, as a parent and married to a woman who is step-mom to my boys, she and I hope this doesn’t last! 

We may all still “want it now” and much of what we want is available oh so quickly, but the enduring things in life may still require a little patience. 

I’m not sure I can wait, though…

Sir Paul McCartney and My Son!

paul mcartney

Seventeen years ago, I had the pleasure of seeing and hearing Paul McCartney and Wings in concert. The head to toe goose bumps I felt while hearing my favorite Beatle made me feel like my life was, well… “complete”.  I could surely die a happy woman!  The concert was by far, the best one I had ever, ever been to.  The best, that is, until last night.  Last night, I saw Sir Paul perform live again, but this time, my husband and my son were with me.  I got “completed” even better than the first time.

It’s really pretty simple.  My (nearly) 14 year old son chose, without reservation, to let his parents be a part of his very first concert experience.  Sure, it helped that he liked the music we played at home and the fact that we splurged on his expensive ticket, but he could have simply turned us down in favor of a first concert experience with his cohorts… the way most teenagers do it today!  He chose us and we were touched that we could share this “milestone” with him.

So I’d like to ask, “What milestones would you like to share with your children”? “What can you begin to do today to actually pursue this goal?” And while I’m asking questions….

Do you remember your first concert?  Would you have shared the experience with your parents?  Would you like to share this type of experience with your kids?  Why, or why not?

Our experience included being shoulder to shoulder with forty thousand people and getting completely soaked after a heavy 10 minute downpour.  We rocked as a family to “Let it Be”, and sang and screamed for two and a half hours until we lost our voices.  There was even time for a little “parenting” when we had to explain to our son that the “funny smell” he had never smelled before was pot!  Yes, we had a quick discussion on why it is best to “Just Say No” to drugs!  Overall the crowd was tame, but we got to point out how silly drunks looked when they couldn’t walk straight, or just fell down.  Our son probably could have made all these assessments on his own, but we were glad to have been there as guides.  We were also glad we asked him about going to the concert in the first place.  If we hadn’t taken this step and “tried”, we would have never experienced this particular bond in the way that we did.

Of course, we are always parents first and I’m not suggesting we seek back to back opportunities to be our kid’s best friend but I encourage all parents to try to open windows of opportunity to experience friendship with their kids. Even if you think they’ll turn you down, what’s the harm in trying?  If it works, they might just think you’re “cool” and even find you “approachable” to solicit your “parental wisdom”.

In the end, we were just so grateful to have shared a wonderful evening with our young teenager who is rapidly showing us what a great young man he is turning in to and how he values his parents despite our being “parents”.  We had a great friendship between us last night.  Laughter, love, learning, cuddling to stay warm and dry from the rain, and great music made us a very happy family enjoying a very magical night.

Of course tomorrow is another day.  There will likely be scolding about an unmade bed and piles of clothes on the floor.  There might be greater issues that define our roles as defiant teenager and “mean” parent, but for now I must simply just say “thanks” not just to Sir Paul, but to my son, who made the night rock in more ways than one!

Thanks son.