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How to Follow Your Own Advice

October 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

advice

I am the first one to admit that I don’t always follow my own advice. I badger my boys to floss their teeth every night and then I plop into bed too tired to floss my own teeth. I encourage clients to say no to requests that are not in alignment with their goals and values, yet I find myself caving in to pressure to take on something I should decline. I don’t always practice what I preach. Does that make me a fraud? I don’t think so. I suspect it makes me human. A little incongruent, yes, but not a failure. And certainly not a lost cause.

The world is full of nicotine-addicted doctors, overweight personal trainers and broke financial counselors. That’s because it’s easier to give great advice than it is to follow it. In fact, most of the time, it’s not the “knowing what to do” that causes the problem, it’s the actual “doing it.” Dave Ramsey says financial success is 20 percent knowledge and 80 percent behavior. Behavior. Just doing what we know we need to do.

No matter what you’re trying to do (lose weight, get out of debt, raise children or build a business), knowledge only plays a minor role in your success. Most of us can go by the rulebook for a short while, but eventually we stray from the plan, whatever that is. The motivation to “just do it,” wears thin. So how do we shift ourselves back into a pattern of following our own advice?

Having traveled this road before, in business and personal matters, I have some experience with narrowing the gap between what I say and what I do. Here are a few of the tips that work well for me.

Five Steps to Practicing What You Preach

1. Make it a Mantra. Let’s assume the advice you are spouting is actually good advice. If you know it to be worthwhile and effective at reaching a goal, then dig deep and get to the truth of your wisdom. When you understand why you need to change a behavior, it’s easier to stay on track. And when you summarize your idea in a memorable sentence, it becomes easier to embrace. For example, Lysa TerKeurst knows that spending quiet time in scripture first thing in the morning makes her a better person. So her mantra on the subject is to “exchange whispers with God before I exchange shouts with the world.”

2. Write it Down. I’m an avid journal writer and lover of visual reminders. So it’s not unusual for me to have sticky notes, photos, vision boards, index cards and other written declarations of my intentions. If I’m having trouble following my own advice, I go back to basics and write it down. Sometimes I find a scripture quote to support it, or a funny photo that illustrates the point. But I write it down and make it real. If I am really serious about it, I sign my name, as if I’m entering a contract with myself. You would be amazed at how eager you are to stick with something after you’ve signed your name on the dotted line!

3. Identify your Distractions, Rationalizations and Excuses. You’re probably not new at this game, so take a few minutes to identify the things that have prevented you from staying on track in the past. What are the thoughts and feelings you have when you decide NOT to follow your own advice? Write them down. And then write down a rebuttal for each one. For example, if you are trying to get out of debt and you know you’ll try to rationalize buying too many toys for Christmas, write down a statement that will remind you of your goal and the future happiness and security of your family. When you find yourself ready to hit the “buy now” button on Amazon, take out the rebuttal and read it aloud.

4. Find Someone to Hold You Accountable. Let’s face it – we all need help achieving our goals. So why do we keep them a secret? Are we hoping to surprise everyone we love when out of nowhere we’ve lost 30 pounds, completed a marathon, built a million dollar business and written a book? The surprise will be on us – when we realize we’re not getting anywhere on our goals because we don’t have the support we need to succeed. That’s why it’s important to find someone you trust who will gently, but firmly, hold the space for you to become who you want to become. Schedule deadlines and check-ins with this friend so you have some structure to your relationship and you both understand the expectations.

5. Give Yourself Grace. It takes time and patience to make behavior changes and create new habits. Know that it’s ok if you slip up a few times. It’s even ok to change direction and set new goals. If you recognize that you need to grow, and you take steps to make improvements, that’s all God asks of you. He doesn’t expect perfection. He expects persistence. So keep looking for opportunities to grow into the person He created you to be. And keep setting goals and working toward them. But know that He loves you unconditionally. And know that every day is a new chance to glorify Him. God believes in “do-overs,” so you should allow yourself the grace to start again.

Do you have any tips to make it easier to practice what you preach? Share them with us here so we can support one another!

Filed Under: Mom Entrepreneur Tagged With: , , , ,

Five Ways to Stay Fit When You Work at Home

August 6, 2012 By

If you’re running a home business while raising a family, you probably feel like you have two full-time jobs. For many mompreneurs, the last thing on the list of priorities is an exercise routine. In fact, a recent study published in the Journal of Pediatrics found that new mothers exercise less than childless women their age. Add to that a new business, and you have a recipe for an exhausted, unhealthy mom.

So we agree that work-at-home moms have unique challenges when it comes to maintaining a fitness routine. But chances are, one of the reasons you chose to start a business while raising a family is so you could create a more balanced life. So you could earn a living doing what you love while remaining present at home for your family. When you ignore your own health and fitness, you can’t possibly live a balanced life. And while you may be physically present for your family, you may not be the most pleasant mom. (Trust me – I’ve been the cranky mom many times!)

Regular exercise gives you more energy to keep up with your children and your busy schedule. It helps you stay focused and productive in the office. Exercise relieves stress and endorphins that help you feel better about yourself, your business and life in general. And it creates a healthier home because a happy mommy is a good mommy.

So how can you create time for fitness when you’re running a business and taking care of your children? Try these fitness tips for mompreneurs:

Five Fitness Tips for Busy Mom Entrepreneurs

1. First Things First. Have you ever read the book Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy? It’s about procrastination and the idea of tackling your highest priority task first thing in the day (your “frog”). For me, that’s exercise. I discovered long ago that the only excuse I have the morning is that I want to sleep longer. As the day progresses, the excuse list gets longer. Life gets in the way. So I know I have to knock it out first thing. You may have better results with an evening routine or lunchtime workout, but try to choose a time of day and make it part of your regular schedule. Then you don’t have to figure out where to squeeze in a workout. It’s already part of your day.

2. Follow Your Heart. Exercise doesn’t have to be grueling and painful. In fact, if you want to stick with it, you should choose something fun. If you’re not into running or hanging out at a gym, then take a look at other options. Try Zumba, yoga, swimming or belly dancing. Take a class in rock climbing or stand-up paddle boards. Go hiking, biking or in line skating. If you’re having fun, you’ll want to do it again.

3. Set a Goal. As an entrepreneur, you’re probably used to measuring results. For some people, the motivation comes from the monitoring this progress along a journey to improve something specific. To lose weight. To get stronger or faster. To live longer. To be happier and less stressed. Get in touch with your own personal motivation. What is it that you hope to accomplish through exercise? It doesn’t have to be a number on the scale or a certain size jeans. It could simply be that you want to have energy every morning. Or perhaps you want to be able to keep up with your dog on a hike or walk that you take. Or maybe you want to run a 5k for a charity. Whatever it is, write down your goal and keep it someplace visible for motivation.

4. Find a Partner. What’s the reason Weight Watchers is so successful? Accountability. There is someone waiting for you to show up each week and get on that scale. Having an exercise partner gives you that same accountability. Just knowing that someone is waiting for you and counting on you to show up can be a powerful motivator. I’ve run a marathon, completed several bike centuries and competed in many triathlons. I know for certain I never would have made it to the starting line in any of those events without a training partner. Here’s a tip about choosing your exercise partner: find someone who is slightly faster, stronger or more skilled in the activity than you. This will ensure that you are challenged but not completely outmatched, which would leave you both frustrated and discouraged.

5. Honor Your Commitment. Once you’ve decided to make fitness a part of your daily routine then give yourself permission to spend the time you need to workout. This may require hiring a babysitter or letting go of another obligation. It may mean that something else simply doesn’t get done perfectly (like laundry or housecleaning). Take some time to explain to your family why you are exercising and how important it is to you. Help them understand that you need their support and encouragement if you are going to keep it up. Ask them to respect your need for dedicated workout time. You may even decide to include your family in your exercise program!

It’s your turn. What are your tips and tricks for staying fit while working from home? Please share them with us here!

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How to Recover from a Bad Business Decision

October 18, 2011 By

So you made a decision you regret. Hired the wrong person. Invested in a lemon. Trusted the untrustworthy. Lost money. Wasted time. And now you’re beating yourself up. We’ve all been there. In fact, if you haven’t been there, it’s probably because you’re not willing to take the risks that are necessary in business.

Just this week I heard from a client who invested $200 in a contractor who said he would optimize her website and improve her business ranking in Google. She’s frustrated and disappointed that she seems to have thrown that money down the drain. Another client tells me she spent $3,600 on a PR firm that was handling her social media for her business and she had to let them go because she spent more time managing them and cleaning up the mess they made, than she would have if she had done the work herself. And I recently hired a contractor who agreed to deliver a project in ten days for $1,600 and it’s now going on three months of excuses, delays and empty promises.

What’s a mompreneur to do?

Let it Go!

Well, the first thing is to let go of the frustration, anger and disappointment – it’s not helping the situation. Instead, let’s focus on the blessing and the lesson. My guess is that if you search deep enough, you’ll find a single lesson – a powerful truth – from the experience that God has placed on your path.

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.“

- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Assess the Problem

Next, we need to figure out how we got into the situation in the first place. From my experience, small business owners and entrepreneurs tend to engage in five specific behaviors that lead to bad business decisions. So let’s take a look and learn from their mistakes (ok, so they’re my mistakes, too)!

Five sure-fire ways to get swindled, bamboozled or cheated in business:

1. Go for the lowest price. You’ve heard this before: free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it – nothing. The same holds true for choosing a product, service or vendor solely on the price point. Ask any volunteer coordinator and she’ll tell you that managing a team of unpaid workers is more of a challenge than managing a staff of highly paid professionals. If you really need a professional job done for your business, then hire a professional – and pay them what they are worth.

2. Hire a friend. If you’re hoping for a disaster, the next best thing to getting work for free is hiring a friend or family member. This is not to say you should never work with friends or family, but take an honest look and determine if there is a pattern of failure with this tactic. There are ways to protect your interests when hiring anyone – including a friend. Do you need a written contract perhaps?

3. Barter your services. OK, so I’m repeatedly guilty of this tactic but I seem to have found a way to make it work. My rule of thumb is that I never barter my services unless I would have purchased the other business owner’s product or service anyway. So I avoid agreeing to provide my services in exchange for something I may never want or use. (Consider this an open invitation for Starbucks to barter with me for copywriting services!)

4. Dig your head in the sand. There’s something to be said for developing your strengths and outsourcing your weaknesses, but we can’t afford to be entirely ignorant about what we’re purchasing. That means we need to understand enough about search engine optimization or website development to know what the contractor is going to deliver and how the process works. We need to know enough to ask the right questions. And if you don’t know – find someone you trust to help you understand the basics.

5. Play Mrs. Nice Guy. Women often have excellent intuitive and social skills, which work in our favor in business. We develop relationships, make people feel comfortable and we truly desire to help others. But we tend to be too nice, showing empathy and granting extensions and exemptions to employees and vendors. Sometimes it’s our compassion that leads to a nice big mess in business. This is my biggest downfall. This is where I let my feelings take over at the expense of my business. This is where I forgive and forgive and forgive (letting the resentment and frustration build up inside).

Proceed with Caution!

Now it’s time to set boundaries. Once you figure out your weakness (like hiring someone you know from church who promises to solve all your problems), then set up a structure in your business to protect your interests. Maybe it’s a contract or written agreement. Or perhaps it is a financial incentive for finishing the job on time or within budget. Be very clear about what you understand and agree to, as well as what the deliverables and deadlines are. Then put checkpoints in place to re-evaluate and reassess.

This is what it means to put on our “big girl panties” and act like the businesses owners we are! It’s not easy, and I certainly haven’t perfected it, but every time we stretch ourselves in the entrepreneurial role, we learn and grow. And if you truly believe that your business is part of God’s purpose for you, then he will equip you with the confidence and courage to lead and serve as he has called you to do.

Now it’s your turn: have you made a bad business decision that taught you a lesson? Share your insights with us!

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Doing Everything Right Isn’t Getting Me Results

June 19, 2011 By

woman-on-weight-scale
Several months ago one of my clients made the above statement in a fit of disgust. She actually felt that all of her efforts to lose weight weren’t working. When she told me what was going on I soon realized that she thought she was doing everything “right” but in reality she’d forgotten several of the basic things I’d shown her. What were those things? I’ll get to that in a minute.  First, let me paint the picture of this woman for you.

She’s a Mom Entrepreneur with a significant amount of stress in her life. She originally came to me to lose weight but after I heard her talk about her life and schedule I soon realized that there were some things that were contributing to why she was having a hard time losing weight. It was clear that she had a stressful and busy life.  A fairly optimistic person she was feeling beaten by the fact that she couldn’t lose the weight and reclaim her appearance.  She was embarrassed about her looks, not wanting anyone to see her body in pictures she’d only get pictures of her from the shoulder up.   Over the years, the once ten pounds she’d gain and lose turned into thirty-five and at age 41 her every other year diet program wasn’t working anymore. She counted points, added the fiber, drank the water but NO LUCK. She came to me telling me she wanted to try something new.

Our work began the usual way with her trying to make all of the recommended changes I’d suggested.  Within a week she’d emailed me to tell me that there was a shift in energy and optimism.  A month went by and the weight shifted for the better. She was thrilled! But then another month went by and my once happy, weight losing client hit a wall. Not just a wall in her weight but one in her life. She hit a plateau and began to panic and when we had our next session that’s when I realized what she’d forgotten. You see my theory is that the pace of our lives and the stress that we endure on a regular basis directly relates to our weight.  As soon as life gets too busy or stressful the time to devote to planning meals, cooking them and chewing what you eat occurs less often. You start making excuses to get exercise in, not drinking water or to go to bed at a regular time. Life gets in the way, the overwhelm of life disrupts the routine you were just establishing and the weight stops coming off. My client came to me feeling that her great efforts were slipping away. Although we’d covered it all before, I spent the entire next three sessions reminding her of the basic things to do to get her routine and life back in balance.  In doing the work I do I’ve come to realize that it’s got to be a whole life approach. You can’t just change one area (such as eating better) you often need to work on several at the same time. I often need to remind my clients that it’s about choices, not necessarily in what you’re eating but in what you are doing that is causing your overwhelm.

The great news for my client was once we got her back on the right path she reversed the minor weight gain and six months later she lost all thirty-five pounds.  The even better news is that she feels like she’s got a grip on her life again and to me I think you can deal with anything once you have optimism in your life again.

Have you ever hit a plateau and wondered if it could be more than just the food you were eating that was causing the plateau?

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The Secret to Successful Solitude

May 26, 2011 By

I confess: I’m an introvert. I know it’s hard to believe since I babble and blab my life story all over the Internet. But when it comes to how I spend my day and the surroundings that fill me with energy, I need a good bit of solitude. Guess that’s what makes me suitable for the home office environment! And it’s what led me to create a practice of journal writing, yoga, running (solo!), reading and prayer.

Yes, I love to spend time alone. I thrive on it! Maybe it’s because I have three young children and I’m constantly reacting and responding to the needs of others. Or maybe it’s because I’m not very good at shutting out distractions and I need quiet to hear the conversations taking place in my head. Whatever the reason, the benefits of some “me time” in my day are extraordinary!

When I start my day with an hour of solitude (by journaling, running or some other solo-practice):

  • I’m happier and more fun to be around!
  • My body has more energy to help me lead a productive day!
  • I’m more patient with my kids.
  • My mind is overflowing with creativity.
  • I feel connected to God and comforted by his presence.

Could you use a little alone time in your day? If so, I’ll let you in on some of my secrets to successful solitude. What I’ve discovered is that there are three key ingredients (Three P’s) to practicing daily solitude:

  1. Permission: Give yourself permission to be fully present and embrace the quiet. That means letting go of the thoughts that wander through your mind about where you “should” be right now, and what you “should” be accomplishing and who you “should” be spending time with. Just accept the gift of silence and solitude and let it seep in through your pores and fill your spirit.
  2. Priority: If you’re a busy mom, then solitude does not naturally occur. You have to schedule it into your day. Physically enter it into your calendar. Sure, there may be windows of opportunity when the kids are not home and you can sit down with a cup of tea, but are you actually going to do that? I won’t. Unless it’s on the calendar!
  3. Proclaim: Sometimes it’s necessary to set expectations so that your loved ones know what you are doing and why it’s so important. A friend of mine once told me she woke up every morning at 5 am just so she could have an hour alone before her kids stumbled out of bed. One day her daughter set her alarm so she could join mom for some “girl time.” Very sweet. But it took away mom’s only hour of quiet during the day! So be clear when you set your schedule and let your family (and possibly friends and colleagues) know that you need this time alone because it fills your spirit and makes you a better person!

Want to really experience the benefits of solitude? Take the Solitude Challenge and travel solo. Go on a quiet retreat in the mountains, rent a beach cottage in the off-season or visit a charming little town you’ve always wanted to explore. Take a journal with you and write or doodle your way through the adventure.

Be sure to let me know what you discover!

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Being a Mom and Having It All – Is that really possible?

April 14, 2011 By

super-mom

As a mother of 2 active and beautiful kids, 2 wild and crazy dogs, 2 busy businesses with a very supportive husband, it may look like I have it all together.  Well, maybe on the outside. But to make it all happen… to get things done… and to make sure nothing falls through the cracks is a pretty daunting task 24/7.  It requires the skills and the strength of a Super-Mom!

I always kid around about being a Super-Mom.  The mom that does it all, has it all and is successful at it ALL.  But, hey!  Am I kidding myself?  At one point, I had to stop (in exhaustion) and look around… I noticed a stressed out family. As they say, “when Mom’s happy, the house is happy.”  Well, when Mom is stressed-out, everyone can feel it!  Since I was so overwhelmed with trying to do it ALL, I didn’t seem to notice the little, precious things my kids where saying and doing each day!  I was missing the point!

And my aha moment came and I thought to myself, “This is NOT what my family needs – they don’t need me to be Super-Mom!”

Linda Anderson from Mom-to-Mom said it best:

“SuperMom, it turns out, would not really be that great a mom after all—even if she really did exist.  Why?  Because real kids do not need a SuperMom.

Why?  Because SuperMom is trying to do so many things, accomplish so much, fit so many things into her schedule, that she often misses the most important things.  The things—or rather the people, the husband and kids—right in front of her.

In addition, SuperMom tends to do way too much for her kids—to give them too much, to protect them too much, to hover too much.  At the same time she tends to expect too much from her kids just as she does from herself.  After all, a SuperMom must have SuperKids, right?  Talk about pressure!

No, your kids do not need SuperMom.  They need RealMom.  They need a real, authentic mom who acknowledges her human-ness, her limitations, even her mess-ups.  She is willing to apologize when needed, to live within healthy boundaries, and to learn along with her children.  RealMom laughs a lot more than SuperMom.

Most importantly, she is willing to acknowledge that she doesn’t “have it all.”  But she knows where to go to get what she needs.  No, she doesn’t have all wisdom, all strength, all patience, all knowledge.  But she knows the One who does have all these things.  The One Who promises to be strength in our weakness, wisdom in our confusion, and patience when ours has long ago run out.”

“Nuff said.  I hang my cape.

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4 Steps: Power Networking to Boost Your Business

April 7, 2011 By

networking

Effective networking is done in 4 simple, but powerful, steps.

Yes, it is an art.  And yes, some people are better than others. But if you stick to these simple steps and stay consistent, you will take your business to another level (sometimes without even knowing it!).

Check out these 4 simple steps:

ATTENTION!
Get their attention.  When someone starts a conversation with you, they will usually ask you about your business (whether they really care or not, because that’s protocol).  So, give them an answer that stands out.

I usually say something like, “I make moms relax.” Their typical response is to ask for more details.  Well, now that you have their attention… Keep It!  Don’t immediately tell them all the details.  Instead, say, “Well, before I get into that, I’m curious about what you do.”

LISTEN!
Now is the time to listen, pay attention and take mental notes (or written notes if applicable).  While you’re listening, take note of any needs they have or challenges they are experiencing in their business or personal life.  Then tell them that you can connect them with someone you know who can help or has a solution for them (make sure you do, because you must deliver on your promise!).  If you don’t know someone, you can let them know that you will keep your eyes and ears open.  Write some notes about it and when you meet someone or encounter something that will help, give them a call or send an email about it.  This will definitely make YOU stand out and be remembered.

In addition, as you listen, you can figure out how to share your business and how it can benefit them based on what you have learned about them.

ASK!
Depending on what information you gathered from them, you may ask for a follow-up phone call to discuss further (since this is a networking meeting, not your office), ask for an appointment and, of course, a business card.  Before you give them your business card…  you want to stand out. Write something on your card to remind them of your conversation or appointment, etc.

CONNECT!
Most importantly, remember to follow-through with a phone call or email or confirm the appointment no later than 24 hours after you meet.

Networking is more than passing out your nicely printed stationery to everyone you meet.  Make it worth your while.  It is Listening, Collaborating and making the Connections that Stick!

Happy Networking!

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